Navigating Social Encounters, Family Gatherings, and Relationships in a Post-Election Holiday Season
Dr. Ashley Olivine and Dr. Patricia Dixon discuss navigating social encounters, family gatherings, and relationships post-election and during the holiday season. Learn how to manage the stress and care for yourself!
Live Magically Intro – Dr. Ashley Olivine
Welcome to Live Magically with Dr. Ashley Olivine. This is my blog, online video channel, and podcast in one. It’s the same content on all three platforms. So if you catch one, you catch them all. I’m so glad you’re here and I’m thrilled to journey with you.
Welcome to season two of the Live Magically podcast. This season is going to be a little different. Instead of just having solo episodes where I talk to you, I’m going to have guests come in and talk to you about other topics. They are experts in their fields and in what they do. I think it’ll really bring a lot of value and different perspectives to what I’m sharing with you.
Episode Intro – Dr. Ashley Olivine
So this first episode, I wanted to get it out now because it’s all about navigating life and family gatherings after the election and heading into the holidays. So I have Dr. Patricia S. Dixon. She is absolutely amazing, and I hope you enjoy this episode.
Dr. Ashley Olivine:
Hello, I am here with the amazing Patricia Dixon. She is going to introduce herself and tell you all about who she is and what she does.
Dr. Patricia Dixon
So hello, and thank you so much for having me on first and foremost. My name is Dr. Patricia Dixon, and I’m a licensed clinical psychologist. I have a group practice that’s located in the Tampa Bay area. I’m also an adjunct professor and a life coach.
Dr. Ashley Olivine
Fantastic. Thank you for that. We are going to get to know her a bit better.
We’re going to talk about a very important topic, especially right now, very timely. As we head into the holidays, post-election, the holidays are always extra exciting during an election year. She’s going to help us navigate how to face encounters with other humans who may or may not agree with us and in the presence of people who may or may not agree with us and what we can do to navigate those family gatherings and other things that we have going on.
So, to start, would you like to kind of tell us a little bit about what you recommend we do to prepare ahead of time before all the things that come up?
Dr. Patricia Dixon
So I think one of the biggest things about preparing is because, as you said, it’s an election year. People are both dying to speak about and not speak about the election results.
And so I think one of the biggest things people can do for themselves before getting together with family and friends is just kind of know where you stand. Do a self-check and identify what your feelings are about it, and where those feelings are coming from so that you don’t feel blindsided when somebody says something that could be triggering.
So the best thing people can do before going in is kind of knowing what is it that I feel, and where those feelings coming from, or what’s the why behind what I feel? And then even more importantly, given what I feel, what are my boundaries of what I’m willing to talk about?
Dr. Ashley olivine
Yeah, absolutely. Sometimes easier said than done and boundaries can be tricky, especially for someone who isn’t used to setting them and holding them.
It’s a practice, so it can take some time to build that up, and then there’s there can be that added component of stress. A lot of people feel increased stress levels during the holidays for a lot of reasons. Some of them could be fear over those family gatherings that are coming up. Sometimes there’s travel involved, maybe a kid got sick in the car on the way to wherever you’re going. You can tell what kind of day I’ve had. So a lot of things can happen that increase the stress level, especially during an election year.
How can stress show up while you’re interacting with other people?
Dr. Patricia Dixon
So I think, like you said, one of those things are, you know, boundaries aren’t very easy to set.
And so when people are kind of going in knowing that they’re going to have to set certain boundaries, the stress level is already kind of high. Tensions might already be high. And I think that the other part of that difficulty in setting boundaries is who you’re setting them with. Usually when it’s somebody who’s not close to us perse it’s a lot easier to set the boundary with them because it’s, you know, losing them doesn’t matter so much to us.
But when it’s family and when it’s friends to have to say, hey, I don’t want you to cross this line, is a bit more challenging. And I think, you know, the holidays, as you said, they bring their own level of stress as it is, because people are preparing food. And like you said, you might be on your way to family’s house and with kids.
Kids are throwing up in the back. Kids are fighting. There might be arguments amongst the family that you’re, you know, going to. So I think because the stress is high, it’s important for people to be very, very intentional about self-care and being at their best because if you’re already trying if you’re already at a point where you’ve poured into so much around you and so many people around you, then you have an empty cup and you can’t pour from an empty cup.
So doing some self-care to lower your stress or cope with your stress, to refuel your cup, to be able to pour into the areas that you’re needing to pour into, I think is one of the most vital or essential things.
Dr. Ashley Olivine
Yeah, absolutely, because you’re going to fill your car up with gas before you drive to that gathering.
You have to fill yourself up too. I’m glad you touched on that self-care component. Especially as we talk about preparing for a gathering, what are some self-care practices that you do yourself or that you recommend for other people to do? What do you find effective?
Dr. Patricia Dixon
So I’m big on journaling.
I’m big on meditation and then exercise.
Those are my three, quick go-tos, and all of them in some way, shape, or form are for me about getting your mind and your body to connect and reset. And so when it comes to meditation, the thing I love about that as an option is that it doesn’t take much time, especially if you put it into regular practice.
If you find some time each day, to give a short meditation or just focused thought and energy, then it becomes really easy and stressful moments to be able to calm your mind and calm your body down. And then, for me, I also feel as far as coping goes, and as far as self care goes, I tell people all the time I’m part of this, or I go to this hip hop dance class.
And though I can’t dance even the slightest bit, for me, attending this class is a lot of fun. It’s me being able to get in touch with the child part of me, because as we know, adulting is not easy. And the older that we get, the more we get away from the playful side of ourselves. And so for me, part of coping and part of self-care is getting in touch with the two-year-old version of me.
Dr. Ashley Olivine
Absolutely.
Dr. Patricia Dixon
As far as journaling goes that for me, it’s about getting the things that are weighing heavy on our hearts and minds out. Because if we don’t put it somewhere, then it just kind of sits there. And then it’s almost like a shaken soda can that eventually explodes.
Dr. Ashley Olivine
Yeah, I love that, and you have all the components there of a fantastic self-care toolbox because the meditation hits the cellular level.
The journaling is a lot of thought processing, especially if you do the journaling right after the meditation and kind of see stack those on there. Whatever comes up in meditation, maybe you kind of uncover something, a thought, a feeling, a belief, one of those connections that Dr. Patricia had just mentioned about getting to know your whys, and why you believe these things.
That’s something if you’re meditating, something comes up, you make a realization, and then you journal about it. You just really find out more. Then you have the exercise, which obviously is fantastic for both physical and mental health, and gets the energy flowing. Then I love this hip-hop dance class. I think it’s amazing because you also have that community component, where you’re interacting with other people, which is huge for mental health and for, you know, really just filling that cup.
Dr. Patricia Dixon
Yeah, the social component for me, I think is one of the biggest pieces because we have fun in there. So it’s me and a bunch of other individuals at various, you know, dance levels. I’ll let them break themselves, but we all just really get together and just have fun. And so to be able to laugh with people and to be able to have like a dance teacher, who’s, you know, telling people of our age group, you know, hop on the floor and then get back up.
And we’re like, yeah, no, our knees don’t work that way. So what’s the alternative version?
Dr. Ashley Olivine
Yeah, and that’s amazing because laughter is medicine and when you’re used to getting your wiggles out in that way on a regular basis. Especially if you are not a dancer and you can laugh at yourself and your friends and, you know, just have fun with it. Then when you go home and interact with your family, you can be a little more silly, especially if you have young kids and you can say, look what I did in dance class. Then maybe they’ll roll their eyes depending on how old they are and their attitudes, or maybe they’ll join in and they’ll want to say “hey, show me what you did!” You can make it carry over into the rest of your life too.
Dr. Patricia Dixon
It definitely offers an opportunity for connection. You know, like you said, not only connection within the dance room, but also outside of it when I’m around family, when I’m around friends, and it puts smiles on people’s faces. Cause whenever I say I’m doing a hip-hop dance class, people tend to laugh.
It brings people happiness.
Dr. Ashley Olivine
Yeah. So how often would you recommend doing those things? Obviously not adding pressure. I always say if it is causing your stress level to increase to have this self-care list, don’t do it. Scrap it. Try to find those little things that are fun and easy. Do as much as you can to lower your stress level without adding stress, if that makes sense.
Dr. Patricia Dixon
Yeah, well, completely because I think, you know, like you said, it’s about coping with stress, not causing stress. And so if you have some sort of technique or thing that you’re involved in that, it’s like, oh, gosh, I can’t miss my meditation.
Now, what was supposed to be a reliever of stress has become a stress.
Dr. Ashley Olivine
Exactly.
Dr. Patricia Dixon
I have my hip hop class weekly, but I do encourage people to try and have something that they do at least one hour a week, every week, and variations of things. But even when you can’t get that 1 hour in, doing something, even if it’s like a 5-minute breathing exercise or writing and jotting down some thoughts for 5 minutes.
I think that it really does, give us a gift of sorts to be able to say, let me take a moment in my busy day, in my busy life, where I’m doing so much for the outside world to look in and take care of what my needs are and being very, very intentional about tending to what our personal needs might be. Then we become better versions of ourselves for others.
Dr. Ashley Olivine
Of course. And then something like meditation is not as time-consuming and possibly stressful as the dance class. You can do it in the comfort of your own home. It could be a quick five-minute meditation right before bed, something that you can fit in. But, ideally, it’s something that you enjoy and you can’t wait to do, not that check-box thing to do.
Dr. Patricia Dixon
100%. In between my clients, I will take a couple of minutes just to sort of recharge. And it’s literally somewhere between two to five minutes before I get the next person to come into my office. Just so that I can have my mind clear and my heart open for the next individual that’s coming. But I think even outside the work setting we need to do that sometimes with family. So even right before you’re about to get together for a holiday gathering. You know, before you get out of that car, it might be worth it to take a few deep breaths. Kind of center yourself before and feel grounded so that when you are going in if something triggering is said, you’re ready to handle it.
Dr. Ashley Olivine
Yeah, that’s a fantastic point. Then if you’re used to meditating regularly, it can just be that real quick thing that you do to ground yourself before you’re moving on.
Dr. Particia Dixon
Yeah.
Dr. Ashley Olivine
All right, so that brings us to the next question. What do you recommend when we get into a tight situation? Sometimes that’s out of our control.
It’s inevitable because of the volatility of the environment, or sometimes no matter how much we prepare for it, we are still stressed and activated. So when the conversations start to become a bit heated, what do you recommend we do?
Dr. Patricia Dixon
So I think first and foremost, again, that self-awareness piece, when tensions are high and you start seeing that the conversation is going in a direction where it’s not going to lead to anything good, it’s okay to exercise your boundary in that moment.
It’s okay to have that moment where you say, you know what? I’m not going to continue to engage in this conversation because it’s not beneficial to me, to you, or to our relationship. And so not being afraid to stop the conversation. And then I think the other part is we have to learn how to get to a space of not needing to have the last word.
I know that in most situations and most scenarios, we can say, get to a place of agreeing to disagree. And a lot of people are wondering why isn’t it that simple in the context of the election results and people’s different feelings on it. And I think the reason for that is because the issues that were brought up in this election are very central to people’s identity and belief system. So just agreeing to disagree doesn’t feel settling for people. I think that the alternative to that is agreeing to not have discussions and conversations with people when they can’t be had in a respectful way,
Dr. Ashley Olivine
Right, and kind of remembering that the other person may have different reasons for why they voted a certain way, as opposed to what you’re assuming would be those reasons. Yes, there could be some very significant core belief differences. That’s something that can be discussed and worked through depending on the respect of the boundaries.
So if someone’s respecting the boundary, but maybe that’s not the time and place and if it’s not the time and place, you don’t have to do it then and you don’t have to do it ever.
Dr. Patricia Dixon
Yeah. I think that also recognizing that what people’s thoughts and positions are, aren’t the totality of who they are. I think that’s one of the things that is most dividing right now is that people are taking one particular issue and defining somebody in totality of that means that’s who they are. But I think that’s part of why, again, like you said, some people, there are certain conversations that you can’t have with them in any sort of productive way. And when that’s the case, being okay to push the stop button.
Dr. Ashley olivine
Yeah, especially so soon after the election. People haven’t really had a chance to fully process their emotions, feelings, and thoughts about it and move forward. If we had the holiday season starting six months after the election, it would be a totally different story because people could have that chance to calm down a bit, but we are so close after it. All the big holidays that most people are celebrating are before the change of office. So it’s almost the most uncomfortable time for a lot of people, and that’s when the holidays are packed in.
It really is just a very stressful time. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, or if you’re feeling like the person you’re speaking to has crossed some lines, is not respecting boundaries, and is not backing off, you can stand up and walk away. You don’t have to say a thing. If it feels appropriate to say, “let’s talk about this a different time” or never, or “I’m just not going to talk about this with you.” It’s fine.
Dr. Patricia Dixon
I think people have to become more comfortable with saying, “I’m not going to have this conversation” with a period, not a comma, and unapologetically. Again, it’s for sometimes not only just saving oneself from pain, but also saving the relationship.
Because sometimes there are conversations that get so heated and escalate to a space of no return, or very difficult return. And so rather than allowing the room for it to get there, knowing when to just stop.
Dr. Ashley Olivine
Yeah, and deciding that this relationship is more important than having the last word. This is actually another question I have. What happens when you’re thinking maybe this relationship isn’t one to continue? How do you decide when that’s a relationship that you want to preserve in some way and how to do that versus this is just not going to work out and it’s better to cut ties?
Dr. Patricia Dixon
So I think one of the hardest lessons that I’ve learned in life, is based on a quote: “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” (Brian A. “Drew” Chalker) When it comes to friends and people that we meet, the reason, season, lifetime, it’s kind of smooth. It’s a little easier, even though it poses its challenges when you were really close to somebody and then certain life circumstances happen that change that dynamic. When it comes to family, family is supposed to be forever. Family is supposed to be a lifetime. And I think that we can be okay with saying that a family member will always be my family member. As far as my interaction with them goes, that might be something that changes.
I think sometimes when we get into positions where a person is continuously violating what our boundaries are and it begins to hurt us, we have to choose us. You have to choose yourself. You have to do what is healthy and helpful to you.
If somebody is continuously violating your boundary in such a way, that becomes painful, cutting back your interaction with that individual or putting limits on the amount of time you spend with that individual, or cutting all contact with that individual for your own well-being becomes of necessity. So it becomes kind of like for me, just that measuring of, is this a person that was in my life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Then giving yourself permission to be okay with that and say, I can appreciate the relationship for everything that it was, but I can accept the relationship for where it is today.
Dr. Ashley Olivine
Absolutely. That can be really tough to face, and it doesn’t have to be forever. It can be a season that maybe you’re going to back off for a while with the interactions and then come back to it later. Maybe that is the end of the relationship as you knew it. Either way, it’s okay. You can adjust how those interactions go, and how frequently, however, it’s most comfortable for you.
Dr. Patricia Dixon
I think it’s important what you said of the relationship ending as you knew it, but the impact of that relationship never goes away. And so just because the relationship becomes bad or unhealthy, it doesn’t mean that you can’t still take with you the healthy parts that it was.
Dr. Ashley Olivine
Exactly. Yes, because there’s a benefit to every relationship, whether big or small, and you can still care about that person.
Hope for the best. There’s a possibility that beliefs will change and you’ll have more compatible beliefs down the road, or you may not. Either way, you can take the good parts.
Okay, so how can we care for ourselves after those gatherings? Maybe they didn’t go as planned. Maybe there were a lot of hurt feelings and ruptures in the relationships.
What do you do to either repair with the other person or just take care of yourself, either or both?
Dr. Patricia Dixon
I think the first step is taking care of yourself. And I think sometimes that’s hard to do because people immediately want to jump into repairing a relationship or taking care of the other person’s feelings.
But that sometimes becomes at the jeopardy of self-care.
And I think that we have to first acknowledge what am I feeling and where are the feelings coming from? What were the things that were said that were triggering for me? Of course the why behind that. And then once you are aware of that, having the step back of recognizing, again, let me not define this person on any one subject or any one comment, but the totality of who I’ve known them to be and who I know myself to be.
And I think that sometimes we share our positions and our thoughts with the expectation that somebody else is going to then believe and be convinced in some direction or another. I think we have to get to a place of accepting differences of belief and being okay with that. They have their reasons behind what they think and why, and I have my reasons, and I can still stand firmly on mine while understanding where they stand and what their position may be.
And then I think too, sometimes it’s important to share with somebody else. This is how you made me feel. Maybe I couldn’t say it in the moment, but I’m going to make sure I let you know now. Then it’s about making the next steps of the choice of, you know, what does this mean for me and that relationship?
And that’s, again, getting back to the season, reason, season, or lifetime status of the person. And I think the other part too is if you are burnt out by all the conversations and all the disagreement, then allowing yourself space to take back, a step away from all of social media and media in general, so that you can kind of decompress and just get a breath of fresh air.
Dr. Ashley Olivine
Absolutely. Yes, and it’s so huge to take a step back from that. Once you do take a step back and you’re able to get those fear factor voices out of your head Media, social media, the news, all of it, tends to go to worst-case scenario, the fear factor, the doom and gloom. We can all get sucked into it.
It’s tough. That’s what they’re going for. Those are the kinds of posts that get the most views, so people are posting. Same with news stories. If you have those dire headlines, that’s what’s clickable. So people are sharing them and it’s okay to distance yourself from that. Yes, it’s important to be an informed human in the world and know generally what’s going on.
Also, you don’t have to know every detail and you don’t have to soak in that. When we’re inundated with all of those negative messages, it’s easy for us to say things we don’t mean to other people who we really care about. When you go through that repair stage, it’s likely that you and the other person will both be able to reflect. “Okay, that was out of line.” “I shouldn’t have said that.” Once you get to that place where you’ve regulated your own nervous system and they’ve had time to cool off. Or maybe they haven’t. That’s out of your control. Hopefully, they do. But then that goes back to the boundaries component.
Dr. Patricia Dixon
I think that’s about accepting accountability of when you hurt someone.
And a lot of times I think there’s not an intention to hurt. So I think that that’s where people have to start, you know, evaluating the intention and the impact dynamic. And so, if the impact was something that you said, hurt someone, validate that person’s emotions, validate what they’re feeling and experiencing, but also leave that room for there to be acknowledgment for what somebody’s intentions may have been.
Because I think that helps secure the relationship as well
Dr. Ashley Olivine
Of course, and when you’re apologizing from your side, it doesn’t mean that you don’t believe what you said you believe, but more that way of delivering. It was not how it should have been delivered, or I didn’t mean to hurt you. You can still hold your beliefs and the peace if the other person is willing to respect those boundaries as well.
Dr. Patricia Dixon
100 percent. Absolutely.
Dr. Ashley Olivine
Well, I have so much enjoyed this conversation. I have another question to ask, not specifically related to the election and family gatherings, but more life in general. What does living well mean to you?
Dr. Patricia Dixon
So, I absolutely, positively love that question. I do think it’s something that one, it gives us some reflection on “Am I living in a way that is well?” And then also it gives us the opportunity to hear other people’s perspectives and incorporate it in our own lives to live well. So for me, living well is living authentically. I think the more and more you’re able to sit in a space of honoring who you are and how you are just for the sake of being, it allows you to show up in a way that shines.
And I think it’s the greatest gift that we can give ourselves to just be who we are. So for me in short, living well is living authenticity.
Dr. Ashley Olivine
I love that. And I can tell that you are good at boundaries because when you know yourself and you’re living in alignment with your true self, it’s a whole lot easier to set and hold those boundaries because you know what’s true to you.
And if you’re in that habit of serving yourself and who you are at your core, and knowing your beliefs, and knowing yourself, then you know what you’re okay with other people doing in their interactions with you.
Dr. Patricia Dixon
Yes.
Dr. Ashley Olivine
Okay, so let everyone know where they can find you and get more of this amazing content you have to offer.
Dr. Patricia Dixon
Okay, so my website, you can find me at www.patriciasdixon.com and Dixon spelled D-I-X-O-N. And then I also can be found on Instagram where it’s Dr.Patricia_S_Dixon. And then I am also doing a collaborative experience with one of my colleagues called Relationship Rehab.
Her and I, Dr. Maria Ruiz, have a podcast together and there is an Instagram handle currently called Relationship Rehab. And so look out for that. It will be posted on Spotify soon.
Dr. Ashley Olivine
Perfect. Do you have a launch date for that or just soon?
Dr. Patricia Dixon
Soon.
Dr. Ashley Olivine
All right. So that means you’re going to have to go over to Instagram and follow and stalk and wait for that to come out.
Dr. Patricia Dixon
Yes. You’ll see little clips of it so far, but it’s coming soon.
Dr. Ashley Olivine
Perfect. Okay. Thank you so much. I know this is going to be amazing, valuable content for everyone and hopefully lead to happier, more peaceful family gatherings and enjoyment of life before and after those gatherings.
Dr. Patricia Dixon
Thank you so much for having me. I’ve enjoyed the conversation.
Live Magically Closing – Dr. Ashley Olivine
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Episode Description
Dr. Ashley Olivine and Dr. Patricia S. Dixon discuss navigating social encounters, family gatherings, and relationships post-election and during the holiday season. Learn how to manage the stress and care for yourself!
Connect with Dr. Ashley Olivine:
- Website – https://olivinewellness.com/
- Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/olivine.wellness/
- Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/olivinewellness
Connect with Dr. Patricia S. Dixon:
- Website – https://patriciasdixon.com/ and http://www.manateecounseling.com/
- Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/dr.patricia_s_dixon/
- Podcast – https://www.instagram.com/relationship_rehab_/
Meet Dr. Patricia S. Dixon:
Dr. Patricia Shalene Dixon is a licensed clinical psychologist, esteemed professor, sound healer, and life coach dedicated to advancing diversity and inclusion. As a relational expert, she empowers individuals and communities through her impactful speaking engagements and her collaborative podcast, “Relationship Rehab.” An influential community leader and author, Dr. Dixon inspires positive change and fosters meaningful connections across diverse audiences.
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